I bet everyone went through this phase somewhere in their life before. Suddenly remembering the things and bad decisions you made as a kid, and now as an adult you totally went "why the heck did I do that?" or "things would have been different if I were to...". Especially so for words. Of all the things that can hurt you, in my belief, words are the most infamous of all. Physical pain will go, but mental scar lingers. I always wished that I knew this sooner, so many friendships could have been salvaged.

Back to my hometown Indonesia.

It's been quite a long time since I went back, and the first thing that I noticed is that the grass has turned green. The last I remembered was that the grass in Indonesia is yellow, which made me believe that grass is by default yellow in colour, which made me look like an idiot when I first came to Singapore and was really surprised that the grass in Singapore is green.

Anyway, along the way to make my KTP(Indonesia's term for IC Card, this is one of the reason why I have to go back) I bump into somethings which reminded of why I don't feel like coming back.

- The kampong feeling near my house (probably stayed in Singapore for too long)

- The trash clogged sewer and river, and the markets just beside it.

- The uneven road which gave me motion sickness.

Nevertheless, I'm also thrilled that I get to visit my childhood home. Although we rented it out and has been converted into a warehouse, but I just have to see it again!

In Indonesia we have another taxi category, and we call them "Bajai". it's just like taxi, but cheaper, and IT IS EVERYWHERE! I swear most of the country's air pollution and traffic congestion are caused by them. I remembered I was waiting for my parents to fetch me after school one day, but they haven't arrive yet, and I got so scared that I cried, and this "Kind" bajai-man "offered" to send me home but turned out that he still charged my parents. Took a scolding from my mom after that.

This is the train station just outside of my district, whenever I saw this station, I would know that I'm almost to my house.

This is is the front view of my home, It looks so much bigger in my memory. Just at the opposite of my home used to live a little boy, I used to play together with him and my sister, together with another little girl living just a few block away, she was the daughter of our district's chief(Yeah, we have a chief. Talk about kampong life). The four of us would come together after school and hangout at our treehouse (Yeah~ Treehouse, how cool is that!)

This used to be our kitchen, and at the ceiling, you can see a hole that leads all the way to level 5. My grandmother and parents used to shout through the hole to call use down for dinner.

And this used to be where our maid wash our clothes, and also where we water our plants. At night, this is where we would hangout to gaze the stars, although there weren't much, but it was still beautiful. This is probably the only thing I really miss.

This is the top floor of my house. Before they installed the satellite thingy there, me and my brothers and sisters would fly kite here. There is this once where the wind was so strong that it pulled my string handler away together with the kite, and we were chasing it before it flew completely.

This is the first floor and also the office, where my mom and dad work. It looks so different now.

And this is taken when I went for checkup in the hospital. It's another one of the reason why I came back. My sister was worried about my sleepiness during work hour so she had me go for a check up in Indonesia since I'm going back to do the KTP anyway.

It happened again, suddenly all the thoughts that I was going to put into the blog is forgotten once again.
Should I really start bringing around notepad just to jot down the things I'm going to put into the blog?

Can't concentrate, I should find something to distract myself, at least till I get some answers.

Mayday Made History... AGAIN!
Being the First Chinese to perform in the World's Most Prestigious Arena in New York.

果然不负我所望

15 Years of Friendships,
15 Years of Music,
15 Years of Dreams.

Their story of perseverance never fail to touch me,
it always gave me the goosebumps.

20 more days to Daren & Celia's Wedding Animation Deadline.

Time Time Time.

If there's anything I learn from this movie, it's :
1) What goes around, comes around. You will never know in what way will the world returns what you give. Sometimes it might even return you tenfold of what you gave.

2) Today you have everything, but it might all be gone tomorrow.

3) While you still have time, do what you must, even if you fail, at least you have confirmed the outcome.

I really don't know whether to laugh or cry.

This morning while walking towards my office, a group of people was passing some pamphlet.

It was crowded right, so they could might as well spam everyone with the pamphlet.

But this lady, lol, so many people walked pass and she gave them none, and yet she passed it to me.

I was curious about the pamphlet and realised it's to promote the PinkDot event.

I chuckled a little, till I see what she did there.

I didn't think of going, until someone told me SOMETHING that blew my mind.

So I guess I'm going to show my support then.

And I wonder if I should ask my friend along.

I'm qualified to enter the Talent Competition Finals!
Well, most importantly, I get my 5 extra free tickets.

Just went for an audition for a talent competition, and I think overall went well, hope we can get to the finals, then we can get 5 extra free tickets. And i was quite surprised that my colleagues actually willing to come to support  me for the competition WITHOUT me asking them, I never thought that our relationships was in such a level where we can hang out outside office hours. This is actually the first time, it's quite... pleasant actually.

In any way, I am currently binned to a web design job that I regretted taking. There are so many more better things to do than to earn this puny little money. $50 for a logo, and I spent 10 hours amending and amending for him, and in the end he already get someone to do it for him, and in the end i wasted my efforts and time. now he wants me to design him a website? I don't think so. I'll tell him to engage other designers.

Busy busy busy. Busy with dance, busy with Centre events, busy with work, so many backlogs to dispatch. Detox camp is in another 14 days, I hope it will give me the rest I need from all these. Too bad some people can't go though.

Oh! Something happened yesterday that actually made my day. How often do you hear people compliment you? Especially from your supervisor? I used to tell her that I learn nutrition, and that I can cook and I do housework, and upon knowing that I participated in a talent competition, and that I dance, she remarked "怎么你好像什么都会啊？". I guess I accidentally portray myself as a multi-talented person, which I'm far from it. But it still feels good that someone actually think highly of me though.

Well, it's a lengthy post, but I heard expressing my thoughts helps in brain activities, and that's what I think I need, reviving my never-think-things-through brain.

Today, I woke up with a very unpleasant feeling.
Most probably because of the dream I had.
Basically there was a mini nuclear going off in this building, and I as an oracle, somehow predicted it and managed to escape. On the way, I saw this woman and I was compelled to convince her to get away from the building, and she just smiled like I was crazy and continued walking into the building. And BOOM! the nuclear went off. Most of the victim died, and those who survived, was turned into a ghoul due to the radiation. And I saw that same woman again, part of me felt that I caused her to be the way she is now. I have no idea how the guilt got carried over from my dream.

God, that feeling sucks!